Whistleblower: UK Covid policy decided ‘by rolling dice in No.10’

Whistleblower claims policy decisions made by late night dice rolls

Mr Hxncxck, who wishes to remain anonymous but claims he holds ‘a high level role in the government’ has admitted that Covid policy has ‘mainly been decided by rolling dice’.

‘It started when we couldn’t decide how long to lock down for. The PM said, ‘I’ll fetch my lucky dice,’ and he rolled a three. So we locked down for three weeks.’

‘Soon we were putting all our decisions to the dice. We even decided how many Nightingale hospitals to open by rolling dice. I actually said we shouldn’t use dice to decide how much PPE to order, but I was overruled by the PM.

‘We has no idea how long was appropriate for quarantine, so we rolled two dice and came up with two fives. So we said you had to quarantine for ten days, but could take a test after five. It was a good compromise that took both dice into account.’

These revelations have been met by widespread head-nodding. Phrases such as ‘At last the illogical government response to Covid makes sense’ have been heard around the UK.

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