Breaking news: Unvaccinated to be banned from breathing when outside #Satire

‘This is not a ban on the unvaccinated going outside. They just need to take a very deep breath at the start of their journey.’

Under new plans announced today the unvaccinated will be banned from breathing whilst outside.

Kept apart

‘Even though the vaccine works really well, the unvaccinated need to be kept apart from the vaccinated,’ said Guy Hands, minister for Dinghy Immigration. ‘Under this new scheme, the unvaccinated are not being discriminated against, they just need to make sure they take a big breath before they set off.’

Foreign holidays?

When asked how the unvaccinated would be able to go on holiday he said, ‘I should imagine that foreign holidays will be tricky, but really it depends on the size of their lungs. With a bit of practice they should be able to get to France before they have to breathe again.’

Continued on page 24

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