Johnson’s partying demonstrates that the government’s Covid information can’t be trusted. The very people telling us it was too dangerous to meet up were in fact happy to meet up.

This suggests that the fear they were instilling in people around the country was not something they felt themselves.

These were the people at the top of government, with easy access to the actual data about covid. They were not relying on what the government said, but were instead the people deciding what the government said.

They were pushing a message of fear, yet if they were truly frightened they would have rushed home after having to spend the day at Number Ten. Instead they drank wine and munched crisps together. These are not the actions of people frightened they may catch a virus that may kill them.

Any trust in the government to tell the truth has disintegrated. We are left bereft of guidance, unable to trust governmental advice.

Anyone returning to UK after next Wednesday ‘has to quarantine forever’

Life can return to normal with never-ending quarantine

Leaked government guidelines show that they are about to introduce a ‘Forever Quarantine’. Speaking to the press the minister for Lying to the Public, Cathy Pollert admitted that this was the case.

‘We are proud to annouce this world-beating new policy that will knock Covid on the head and make sure that the UK is once again able to welcome people from around the world to our shores – as long as they don;t mind quarantining forever. But that is a small requirement compared with killing your granny, which might happen if they ever went outside again.

Human rights?

When questioned about the human rights aspects of this law, Pollert sniggered and said ‘Our lawyers are better funded than anyone else’s. And we make the laws. The only possible way to escape Forever Quarantine will be a big donation to a political party of our choice.’

Continued on page 24. 

Church holds service at Wembley so that hymns can legally be sung

‘The Covid restrictions are insane,’ said rector Tommy Govern today, after renting Wembley Stadium for next Sunday’s service. ‘We are not allowed to sing in church, but I have just watched thousands of fans singing at the England match. This government is placing sport above worship.’


‘Singing is allowed at sporting events,’ he continued. ‘So we will have an inter-Church Football tournament every week on the pitch, whilst the congregation sings hymns and listens to a sermon in the stands. If this is the only way that we can legally worship our Lord and Saviour, so be it.‘

What can we learn from the G7 leaders partying quarantine-free whilst the rest of us suffer from totalitarian madness?

There is no longer any doubt that we are regarded as fools by our leaders. They jet into Cornwall for barbecues and back slapping jollies with no regard for the 10 day quarantines that they are inflicting on the rest of us.

They cosy up together with no attempt at social distancing and wear none of the masks that we have to endure. Their hypocrisy is entirely in the open. They have no care for the obvious dichotomy between what they are doing and what they allow us to do. 

Their behaviour shows the insanity of the whole covid reaction. Even the presence of these people in Cornwall speaks volumes. If there was a real and present danger of dying then none of them would show their faces outside their palaces. The USA in particular would say Guys, let’s do this on Zoom rather than allow its 78 year old president to flit around the world.

What are we to take from their behaviour? They are clearly not frightened of catching a killer disease, unlike much of the country which has fallen for their fear-mongering propaganda and will not leave the house without a mask. Johnson may say this, that and the other, but his actions speak much more loudly. If he really believed there was a risk he would stay wrapped up in Number Ten. No matter how much he plays up the risk through speeches and advertisements we have seen what he really thinks.

So why is the government continuing to destroy the economy by not doing as they should and rescinding all the totalitarian laws and ‘guidance’ (that the police have been enforcing as laws)? If – as is now obvious – they don’t believe their own rhetoric why on earth should we? It is easy to make laws if you don’t have to obey them. But it is a keystone of democracy that everyone lives under the same law. This offensive example of one law for me, one law for thee just heightens the belief that this is no longer about an illness with a survival rate north of 99%. What then is the reason for the continued suspensions of civil liberties?

We have been told nothing that warrants another four weeks of economic and human destruction. People still can’t travel to see loved ones abroad and are rightly appalled to see the G7 entourage living it up in Cornwall. Either people can travel or they cannot. These divisive double standards are unworthy of a democratic government, let alone seven of the most powerful governments in the world.

The only possible message we can take from the G7 meeting is that these people would not risk their lives for something so pointless as a photo opportunity on a beach. They clearly thought flying, meeting and hugging was safe. We must insist that if they think it is safe for them then it is also safe for us. We must demand that Johnson ends this madness now.


Huge turnout for lockdown protest – photos #londonprotest

Huge democratic protest passes 200m from BBC doors, but remains unmentioned on their news front page

no mask no vax no lockdown

Huge numbers of people marched through Central London today to protest the covid restrictions, but the march remained unmentioned on main stream media. A spokesman for the BBC said, ‘What march? I see no march, if there was a march I would have read about it in the Guardian.’

Continued on p.24

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huge turnout for lockdown protest

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Freedom! Chairman Johnson allows sitting on park benches

Our glorious leader yet again leads the way in magnificence and foresight

The Lockdown Trumpet is pleased to announce that freedom has returned to the country!

Brilliant ministers make right decisions 

From today our glorious leader Chairman Johnson has decided to give the country the fillip it needs in these trying times. From today you are allowed to sit on a park bench.

allowed to sit on bench

Artist’s impression of the sort of bench that you can sit on from today

Do not abuse your freedom

Yes you are allowed to sit on a park bench, but ultimately maybe the real question is Should you? If you care about your fellow citizens then maybe you should consider not going outside, at least until Covid is eradicated, probably sometime in 2035.

Terrible decision

Matthew Ballo, chairman of the Campaign for People to Never Leave Their House Again has commented on the fool-hardy nature of this move. ‘Today they let people sit on benches, but what’s next? Kids on bikes, people having fun, people forgetting that there is a killer disease around that 99.9% of the population survive? This is sheer lunacy by the Chairman and I hope he soon is replaced. I am surprised that the CCP allow this to happen in…

Continued on page 87

lockdown trumpet

Whistleblower: “Lockdown to be extended as PM desperate to win ‘Longest Lockdown’ award at G7 summit”

‘It’s become an obsession, he’s determined to beat Angela Merkel”

A Downing Street whistleblower has confirmed fears that the lockdown is to be extended.

Jabs for trees?

‘The PM has been desperate for any excuse to extend lockdown,’ the whistleblower said. ‘He has been offering SAGE scientists extra money every time they think of a new reason why lockdown must be extended. They are considering saying it is too dangerous to open up the country until all the trees have had the vaccine as well as humans.’

G7 contest?

When asked why the PM was so keen to extend lockdown she added, ‘It’s all to do with the upcoming G7 summit. The leaders have got a bet on who can have the longest lockdown and he’s desperate to win. The prize is a bottle of Champagne and the chance to be deputy President of Hemisperia One when all this is over.’


She also said that all the leaders were amazed that lockdowns had been accepted. ‘They only really imposed them for a joke to show how powerful they were, but now they’ve destroyed the world economy and aren’t really sure what to do next.’

Lockdown or prison

‘Most leaders have realised that once lockdown is over people will campaign for them to be imprisoned for crimes against humanity. So lockdown will last forever.’

JJ Kipp

fitzrovia gazette

Ban on protests ‘is an outrage’ say MPs who voted to ban protests

‘I didn’t think that voting for a ban on protests would lead to a ban on protests’

Moving scenes in the House of Commons online bar have seen MPs criticising the ban on protests that they recently voted for.

Unexpected consequences

Sharlena Bitt, MP for North Bigglington claimed to speak for many when she said, ‘This stifling of the legitimate need for protest is an absolute outrage and I deplore the law that I voted for. I specifically remember thinking I never have anything to protest about, so it won’t affect me, but I had forgotten about the Law of Unexpected Consequences. 

No one to blame

Bill Shark, MP for Connelworth added, ‘No one could have predicted that banning protests would be the outcome of a law that banned protests. Those people who are loudly saying But I have been warning about this for weeks are just charlatans who should be arrested for spreading Fake News. Where are the police when you need them?’

Human Rights

Following claims of police brutality the Chief Constable has issued a statement saying ‘We strongly regret the need to attack unarmed protestors to keep them safe, but that is part of our onward march to a Marxist Utopia, sorry, I mean a safer society for all.’ 


The Mayor of London has said he cannot comment on any specifics, but is in no doubt that more diversity is the solution to anything that may have happened. Gil Hodges 

ban on protets