Johnson’s partying demonstrates that the government’s Covid information can’t be trusted. The very people telling us it was too dangerous to meet up were in fact happy to meet up.

This suggests that the fear they were instilling in people around the country was not something they felt themselves.

These were the people at the top of government, with easy access to the actual data about covid. They were not relying on what the government said, but were instead the people deciding what the government said.

They were pushing a message of fear, yet if they were truly frightened they would have rushed home after having to spend the day at Number Ten. Instead they drank wine and munched crisps together. These are not the actions of people frightened they may catch a virus that may kill them.

Any trust in the government to tell the truth has disintegrated. We are left bereft of guidance, unable to trust governmental advice.

More Covid untruths: Five days quarantine? In practice you’re likely to suffer at least six

So much of the Covid information we are given makes little sense or is downright untrue. To that list we can add the UK’s five day quarantine requirement. It is billed as five days. In fact it is likely to be at least six.

Why is this?

The system works thus: on the fifth day in prison, sorry, quarantine, you take a test. That test then has to be delivered to a lab. Your quarantine cannot end until you get the result of that test.

The time of your result depends firstly on delivery times, but even when the processing company receives your test in their lab, the expected time to get a result also depends on the speed of their processing. This is estimated at 12-24 hours. So your ability to escape quarantine in the claimed five days depends on them delivering it to their lab immediately and the result not taking much longer than their shortest estimate.

In a case brought to our attention, the test didn’t arrive at the lab until the next morning. So the 12-24 hour wait for the result only starts on day six.

This is baked into the system. Even escaping quarantine after six days depends on the testing company sticking to their timescales.

To quarantine for only five days depends on the testing company working faster than their own timetables suggest they will. It is unfair and misleading when a five day quarantine is almost impossible to achieve.

Not least of course because the whole idea is ludicrous. If the disease is so dangerous you have to be locked up for five days to make sure you haven’t got it, why is it OK to travel from the airport on public transport to the place you are quarantining?

Very few of the Covid laws bear scrutiny. But the five day quarantine claim is only achievable under perfect conditions.

Whistleblower: UK Covid policy decided ‘by rolling dice in No.10’

Whistleblower claims policy decisions made by late night dice rolls

Mr Hxncxck, who wishes to remain anonymous but claims he holds ‘a high level role in the government’ has admitted that Covid policy has ‘mainly been decided by rolling dice’.

‘It started when we couldn’t decide how long to lock down for. The PM said, ‘I’ll fetch my lucky dice,’ and he rolled a three. So we locked down for three weeks.’

‘Soon we were putting all our decisions to the dice. We even decided how many Nightingale hospitals to open by rolling dice. I actually said we shouldn’t use dice to decide how much PPE to order, but I was overruled by the PM.

‘We has no idea how long was appropriate for quarantine, so we rolled two dice and came up with two fives. So we said you had to quarantine for ten days, but could take a test after five. It was a good compromise that took both dice into account.’

These revelations have been met by widespread head-nodding. Phrases such as ‘At last the illogical government response to Covid makes sense’ have been heard around the UK.

The Fitzrovia Gazette: Pets must wear masks : latest Covid-19 Govt announcements

Pets must wear masks

Latest Covid rules to make pet masks mandatory. Police given powers to enforce £10,000 fines if pets caught without masks

Government spokesman Harriet Luge today announced that pets will be forced to wear masks in order to fight the virus Covid-19.

Following the Science

‘We are following the science,’ she said, ‘which shows that pets are a danger to everyone’s health. Ideally SAGE would like them to all be put down, but this government is too compassionate to countenance that. At the moment.’

Exemptions for Goldfish

The small print suggests that not all pets will be forced to wear masks. The influentual Goldfish lobby have got an exemption for goldfish, who will be allowed to continue swimming maskless. Giraffes and lions are also thought to be exempt from the legislation.

Act as though your pet will kill you

Harriet Luge continued to explain the dangers of pets, warning that the only safe way to treat your pet ‘is to assume it has the virus and is actively trying to kill you. The most sensible people will lock their pets in a cupboard or cellar and not let then out until this pandemic is over. Which on current predictions will be sometime in in 2030.’

by our independent Covid correspondent Xi Ling-Jones. 04.02.21


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Fitzrovia gazette 3

Stop calling it Lockdown, it’s House Arrest

You might be pro or anti Lockdown, but let’s stop calling it by that name. It deliberately gilds what’s being done to the country, making it shiny and respectable.

Britannica Encyclopedia tells us…There are several forms of house arrest, depending on the severity of the requirements of the court order. Curfew generally refers to restricting an offender to his home during specified times, usually during the evening hours. Under home confinement or home detention, the offender is confined to the home for most hours, with stated exceptions for school, work, religious services, medical or drug treatment, or food shopping. These exceptions are generally specified in advance and strictly enforced.

This is exactly what we are suffering under at the moment. Lockdown might be the way government describes it, but they have expensive advisors telling them the best way to spin everything. Let’s be clear, what we are under, no matter how it is officially described, is house arrest.

As described above, we have our exceptions. We can go out to buy food and take some exercise. But even that is controlled. Police tweeted during House Arrest part 1…Just to clarify, you cannot just go for a drive, you cannot drive to a destination for exercise, going to the shops for beer and cigarettes is not essential. We know that if we do go outside and meet the police we may have to explain why we are where we are. And if they don’t like our answers then we can be fined. Eating a takeaway whilst parked in a car has been deemed against the rules. Playing in the snow has been deemed against the rules.

Let’s stop going along with the narrative and calling this authoritarian imposition Lockdown. Let’s call it what it is. House Arrest.

Never go out. Don’t breathe. Protect the NHS