Letter from EU to British Government re the new killer mutant lethal covid19 variant that almost everyone survives

Brussels

21.12.20

re: the new killer mutant lethal covid-19 variant that almost everyone survives

Dear Prime Minister,

We were so sorry to hear about the new extra-strong killer mutant strain of covid-19 that you discovered just after parliament went into recess. How deeply distressed you must be that you could not discuss your perfectly reasonable edict to cancel Christmas with the MPs who represent your population. Still, at least they got home before travel was banned.

How wonderful that the police have the time and manpower to check up on why people are travelling. Here in the EU policing budgets are stretched and we are looking forwarding to finding out how you have such a well-resourced police force that it can take on the job of enforcing the Lonely Christmas Laws that you so cleverly introduced with no warning. Have you approved the violent police approach that was used so well against the people protesting the loss of their jobs, livelihoods and liberties recently?

We did enjoy the cruel twist that you added, whereby travel was banned, but only from midnight! That sparked a delightful panic which will of course be something to blame for any increases in the virus that come after Christmas. We loved seeing commentators frown on these people trying to get home for Christmas, when the same people had praised Black Lives Matter protestors earlier in the year when the pandemic was at its height.

We are glad to hear that even though this deadly variant is new and terrifying, it will still be susceptible to the vaccine.

Have a Merry Christmas, one and all. Well, one, anyway. Any more and we gather the police will come round and arrest you all.

Do say hello to Mikey, Matt and the gang. See you all in Davos.

Yours,

The EU

PS So long and thanks for all the fish.

parody letter eu to uk pm